本帖最后由 Pyree 于 2013-4-14 18:55 编辑
大家谈恋爱到底为了什为?
The motive for 谈恋爱 vs. the reason to 谈恋爱 with a particular person
If you are in another culture or at other time of the human history, it is very like there is no such thing as 谈恋爱, but arranged marriage or other ritual to facilitate the reproduction of progeny. However, in our society today, it is almost always compulsory for heterosexual couple to live together, engage and then get married, with the aim of forming a monogamous family with children. The social norm dictates aspects of our lives. So logical deductive reason for many people (including me) to 谈恋爱 is:
谈恋爱 is a process before forming a family.
I will ultimately form a family.
Therefore, I must 谈恋爱.
When the motive for 谈恋爱 is because of having a family, it looks like 恋爱 is handled mechanically because there is a logical reason. But this is just a big misunderstanding. People mix up "the motive for 谈恋爱" and "the reason for 谈恋爱 with a particular person".
Having a family is a motive for 谈恋爱. In contrast, reasons like "the boy/girl shares a lot of interests with me", "he/she is cute", "he/she is a nice person" are the reasons for wanting to 谈恋爱 with that particular person, but not the motive to start 谈恋爱.
The accumulation of qualities that we call love
The reasons that makes you want to 谈恋爱 with that particular person is what makes "love". But there is no such thing as love; love is not a single thing but rather an accumulation of qualities that makes a person attractive to you. The qualities that makes a personal attractive are usually their personality, behaviour and habits, background and interests, physical fitness and attractiveness, wealth and social status, etc.
The digger and the predator
While normal people seeking "true love" puts more emphasis on qualities in personality, behaviour and habits, background and interests, gold diggers and sexual predators takes advantage of people who seek qualities in personality, behaviour and habits, background and interests and feed their victim with "false love", faking qualities in personality, behaviour and habits, background and interests in order to gain wealth, social status and/or sexual gratification, greed and lust.
Summery
谈恋爱 is almost unavoidable if you want to have a family because it is the social accepted model for courtship. The reasons for wanting to 谈恋爱 with a particular person is due to "love", an accumulation of qualities that makes you love them. While people with long a term motive such as having a family prefer qualities that will not change. Gold diggers and sexual predators put emphasis on social status/wealth and/or physically attractiveness. False love is nothing more than greed and lust. It is the root of fragile "love" not capable of withstanding the trial of time like permanent quality such as personality, behaviour and habits, background and interests.
And I just wrote an essay. I am weird, lol.
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